The feeling of sadness and melancholy has been chasing me since birth, just like it does everyone else. This is natural: with birth, we gain the entire spectrum of emotions. But if you were to ask me in what state I remain most of the time, I would say — in the state of feeling sadness.
However, if you were to engage with me in real life, you would never say that I am a sad person. I transform myself professionally around people. I won’t say it’s a good thing, it’s just the way it is. I’ve become accustomed to not showing my sadness to anyone. It’s easier for me to not attend gatherings, to avoid interactions, if I am in a state of sadness.
Gradually, everything is changing. I’ve learned to convey my sadness to friends and loved ones, but without involving them in that state.
Today is an ordinary day, and everything was calm in the morning, but as noon approached, sadness paid me another visit. There was no specific reason, often, it comes just because it has learned the way to me.
In the past, I wasn’t on friendly terms with sadness, and as soon as it arrived, I would run away from it. I didn’t want to have anything to do with it, and I would either artificially boost my serotonin by consuming a large amount of sweets, or I would resort to other harmful habits, or I would engage in conversations with people. Often, in my view, these were senseless conversations and unnecessary interactions, simply to avoid being alone with myself.
Interestingly, people often hold negative views about others’ harmful habits, yet justify their own. But overall, there’s no need to justify oneself. I believe that a person’s harmful habits are their personal matter. The main thing is that after drinking a glass of wine, you shouldn’t go and harm your wife. By causing harm to yourself, do not cause harm to those around you — that’s one of my principles.
Let’s return to sadness. All sensations, emotions, and feelings that arise within us convey something to us. They are a signal to turn our attention inward. Avoiding this signal only amplifies it. This is a natural process. Therefore, if something frequently appears in your life and you don’t like it, pay attention to it, think about what kind of signal it is. Once you understand it, it will leave your life. I didn’t know this law before, so I either avoided it or tried to drown the negative state, which only made it stronger.
I inherited the skill of feeling sad from my grandfather and mother. They are both very kind, but sadness troubled them. I love them and don’t blame them for it, it just happened that they didn’t know how to escape from it. At that time, there was no information about psychology, about how the human mind works, or how to manage emotions. I’m sure that the knowledge and opportunities we have now would have helped them cope with inner melancholy.
When I was a little child, there was nothing I could do to help them. Honestly, I didn’t even quite understand what that emotion was. I simply observed their sadness and quietly empathized. I remember how my grandfather would take breaks from working in the garden. There was a small wooden building where he placed a bed, so he could take a nap during the break. It was one of his ways to escape from the pursuing sadness. I would go to him, lie down beside him, and hug him. That’s how I expressed my support to him.
My mother inherited my grandfather’s sadness. From birth, I saw it on her face and in her eyes. What could be sadder for a child than seeing sadness on their mother’s face? She loved me and never spoke about her sadness, but a child understands and feels everything.
So, I continued the family tradition, unknowingly. When I began working with a psychotherapist, I understood this cycle of samsara. Each new generation has to work through all the psychological issues of the older generation if they haven’t resolved them. And each new generation has a choice: either to make an effort and resolve these problems or to leave them and pass them on to the next generation. But there’s no point in blaming those who couldn’t work through these problems. It happens due to ignorance or weakness.
Apparently, the time has come for a generation that has come to work through the problems of previous generations because now more and more people are realizing their mental difficulties. We’ve noticed that these problems exist, and it’s great that we have all the opportunities to stop this cycle of samsara.
Today, the temptation to indulge in sweets once again caught up with me due to the arrival of sadness. But it’s the wrong path that brings harm to me. Besides the fact that eating sweets leads to a surge of insulin and even greater fatigue, I also have a strong allergy. If I give in to weakness and still consume sweets, then the next day, I’m greeted with “hello, red skin and itching.”
That’s why I hopped on my scooter and headed out for fresh coconut water, promising myself to make a nutritious berry smoothie bowl when I return home. Currently, I’m living in Indonesia where you can buy 1 liter of fresh coconut water for $1.4.
As I ride along the road, I observe the sadness, Balinese buildings, tropical plants, locals, tourists. I express gratitude to the universe for my current presence here, for having wholesome and delicious food, for going to get coconut water, for having a place to live, and for having opportunities.
If in the past, we were enemies with sadness, now we are friends. Sadness came to me because it’s sad, and I decided to be with it.
I turned on the song “Agust D — Snooze”. Agust D is a South Korean hip-hop musician. Recently, Korean music has become very popular, and honestly, I didn’t think I would start listening to it, but it was inevitable. I love exploring music from around the world, different genres, and styles.
In general, this song is about dreams and the challenging journey towards them, but the song’s author encourages with the phrase “everything will be okay” repeated 16 times. Listening to how he says it, you unconsciously start saying it to yourself: “everything will be okay.” The song is very beautiful, it contains deep words, and you can feel the author’s genuine emotions. Read the translation of this song because it’s in Korean. After discovering this song, I play it when I’m feeling down or sad.
It’s amazing how we can influence others through actions, words, creativity, even without being physically close to them. By creating a song, you provide support through it to people all over the world, even without knowing them. Similarly, you can have a destructive influence. It’s a choice: what do you want to contribute to this world. And sometimes, our activities are misinterpreted by someone. But if we think in terms of Alfred Adler’s psychology, it’s no longer our responsibility how people interpret things. Our task is to try to communicate our message clearly.
Sadness. The only thing that’s uncomfortable for me about you is that you come chaotically and disrupt my plans, actions, and schedule. You’re like a friend who comes unexpectedly when they’re feeling down and seeks attention, but I’m busy at that moment. I can’t ignore you, but I don’t want to be dependent on your visits. If it were rare, then it would be okay, but you come very frequently. So, we need to find a way to coexist without destructive influence. Well, sadness, let’s try.
I appreciate your support, thank you 🙂
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